Tuesday, April 10, 2012

If I were to write a book...

If I were to write a book about babies it would be titled, “?????”. 

Emma is here!!  She will be 5 weeks old Wednesday.  As I sit here and look at all the books I read prior to her arrival I think to myself, “ I should have been reading Hunger Games”. 

 I would make a few changes in those books. 
#1.  Schedule, smedule.  I do agree that babies need to eat and sleep.. a lot.  Yet, can we really put a 2 day baby on a feeding schedule??  Unlikely, or I’m very unlikely to do it!  We do eat every 3 hours plus or minus an hour…. We do sleep a lot when averaged over a week, but there might be a loooong stretch of no sleep followed by a good slumber. 

#2.  Hormones, or as my brother in law accurately refers to them “horror mones”.
Baby wise, what to expect when you’re expecting, happiest baby on the block… come on now!!  There should be an entire book dedicated to hormones after having said baby.  I’m not a crier, but I would cry at a commercial for juicy fruit!  A little warning would have been nice for my sake as well as Brad’s.  Poor Brad!
Here is atypically afternoon the first few weeks home.
Brad:  Lindsey, are you upset?
Lindsey:  No, just crying for no reason
Brad:  Do you want to talk about something?  Did I do something?
Lindsey: ( in between laughs and tears)  I don’t want to talk about it because I can’t even tell you why I’m crying.  I mean the cat did just meow at me, but surely that is not why I’m crying.  I’m not sad, mad or upset, just tears are flowing
Brad:  ohhh ok…. I’ll go rock Emma.
Repeat said conversation in 30 minutes…

#3.  Back to schedule.
Ok ok, I did attempt a schedule but some activities did get in our way that we felt were way more important.
Emma likes country music.  She really does, takes after her mother for sure!  So at times we, Emma and I, feel a country music dance party is more important than sleeping the very minute naptime is supposed to take place.  Every infant needs to know a good line dance.

#4. Sonic
I have always liked Sonic, but never realized how important this place is when you are carrying around a baby with a minimal immune system and her first shots are weeks away.  We frequent sonic often. You can get 1dollar large drinks from open till 11AM and then happy hour in the afternoon.  They also have some great sweet potato tater tots…for me, not the baby.

#4.  If I had committed a horrible crime, I would be in the perfect situation.  DISCLAIMER:   I didn’t commit a horrible crime, or any crime, yet I feel like I’m in hiding.
We are practically in hiding.  I believe new mothers are used as templates to place people in the protection program.  We don’t go out at peak times when lots of folks will be milling around, we are never in crowded places, we don’t let anyone get too close to us (and if you do make an attempt to come in ou 5 foot bubble…. watch out, mamma bear might come out…. That means you sonic lady that reached out to touch Emma’s hand.
This protection program will be coming to an end soon!!  2 more weekends and we will be back in church and might even brave a meal in a real restaurant…..sorry Sonic.

#5.  We are comparable to jersey shore
Ok, well kind of.  Maybe not comparable, we don’t GTL, we EPS.  Eat, Poop, sleep.  Just like the shore we have 3 basic activities that come around like clockwork. 

#6.  Get a good family
That is right.  The book should say, if your family doesn’t live close enough to help out in the first few weeks home, rent out another one!!!
My family has been wonderful and made this transition smooth as can be.  I helped tremendously that Lauren had Sydney 6 weeks prior to Emma.  I learned a lot at their expense!  Thanks Laur for all the tips!!!
Example of great family:
My mom stayed with us the first week home.  She would get up at night with Emma, change her, bring her to me so I could feed Emma, then take Emma and rock her back to sleep.  Repeat every 3 hours!
She would then have my breakfast ready to go in the AM as well as lunch, then cook us supper.  With enough supper to eat at night as well as freeze for a meal after she left. 
That’s right folks, go out now and find someone to do this for you when you first come home.  Nowhere was this routine mentioned in those books. 
Next, find a Pops that can calm a baby!  That’s right; pops can calm any crying baby with a short walk outside or a rock in his arms.
(they have even learned to facetime so they can see little Emma!  I am still impressed with this feat!)

Well, that is all I have to offer.   More to come soon once we come out of hiding.